[Something Slightly Sad to Admit]

Hrm, something I've been working on since December is something I've mocked in several ways. It also appears as one of the tenets of being White, and I loathe myself, in a way, for it.

However, I want a new genre in writing. And thus all stories, all published works, would fall into this category.

Factual Fiction.

And I've been writing one about the tragic beauty of Lewis Nixon's personal romance life.

I know. LAME LAME LAME DOUBLE LAME. But I was inspired, and muses come few and far between these days.

However, when I was nearing 60% completion, I hit two major snags that alter the story completely, so everything requires a re-write. I may publish it somewhere not-so-but-kinda secret just so I have it put out there to be torn apart. Most likely, not on Xanga.

But I came across another factual fiction story I want to write that's a little more paranormal and will take a bit more digging to make closer to accurate than fictional on information alone; conceptual accuracy is slightly impossible for several reasons I won't yet disclose.

Ruth, I will challenge your upcoming bestseller with my own~ ha.

[Sorry, this is a post about anime without US releases and a post about TV shows you may not watch]

So! I felt inspired this morning as I was perusing the latest anime season upon us. Normally, I don't see much that I'm interested in. This upcoming season looks less promising than the spring/summer, which is good, because hopefully I'll be more engrossed with a job soon.

Last season, the "spring/summer" season, had a few neat shows, only one of which I plan on keeping.

Sora no Manimani was a wonderful slice-of-life anime about two kids who grew up together who got split apart, then happen to reunite when boy returns to his old hometown for his junior year of HS. Anyway, it's a different bit, because the girl has always had a passion for astronomy, and through that love she's brought others to enjoy what is her passion, and the characters around her start to appreciate things they never did before. Very nice, campy, and stunning in animation. That, and one of the characters reminds me sooooo much of me 6 years ago, all down to how she met her crush (relating to her beautiful, curly hair and having a complex with it, too).

Bakemonogatari is from a light novel series, as opposed to a manga, and thus includes a thicker plotline than standard manga carry. Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuuutsu had this same difference in plot, too. It dealt with the occult in a kool way--a former vampire who was healed by a drifter ends up connecting to other people with paranormal afflictions and goes about solving strange cases. Also, a nice plus, there's a lot of folklore study and kanji readings that make your smart brain happy, and with very peculiar shots/scene transitions that make the primal brain want to shake your smart brains hand quite firmly. However, the ED seems like it would best fit Sora because it's relating love to Altair and Vega, Japan's favorite star-crossed lovers... literally. I'm keeping this one.

Needless? It was shounen gore, ecchi, slash-and-hack, and really odd, non-sequitr OP/EDs. Had to do with a wonderful post-war dynamic including several odd characters and funny dialogue. You've got a touch of "master race" development (semi spoiler, sorry) and reminded me so much of Bakuretsu Hunters because of how unrelated the characters were before coming together in a band of merry men. Not keeping, but wonderful primal brain candy. Good palate cleanser from the sweet Sora.

I must be a cruel person, but I love the idea of seeing what COULD happen when the big one hits Tokyo like in Tokyo Magnitude 11.0. It interests me to see what psychological damage, internal injuries, and the overall scope of life being worthwhile has to do. Luckily, unlike Evangelion, you're not drowing in a sea of characters with psychoses; just a few characters here. It helps that abingdon boys school does the OP, and the monotone OP scenes of mangled Tokyo shocks you. Also, that research was involved, with an original plot and set of characters, is neat as well and a welcomed plus.

But what I do anticipate in the Fall/Winter season?

Kimi ni Todoke sounds a lot like Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge or... The Wallflower but without the harem. A hot guy at school starts talking to her, even the kids play-on-name and call her Sadako. So, it sounds like it'll be a nice romcom.

First Squad sounds FANTASTIC. Why? Okay, so, Russian authors x Japan anime studio get together and make an EPIC sounding anime. I'll just quote from Wikipedia:

Set during the opening days of World War II on the Eastern Front. Its main cast are a group of Soviet teenagers with extraordinary abilities; the teenagers have been drafted to form a special unit to fight the invading German army. They are opposed by a Schutzstaffel (SS) officer who is attempting to raise from the dead a supernatural army of crusaders from the 12th-century Order of the Sacred Cross and enlist them in the Nazi cause.

*pause, let's it sink in* I KNOW RIGHT?! THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!

Not only does it satisfy my fetish with maritime history, it's a joint project, and I LOVE it when Japan reaches out and does a collab with some country NOT Asian.

That's it. Which is good. Because I'm following some old shows I can DVR.

... oh God, yes, I'm sorry, still watching Heroes like the absolute dope I am.

Lie To Me is still wonderful and delicious and wow, Tim Roth has a tattoo on his inner right forearm. Seeeeexxxxxy.
Still Talk Soup, Web Soup, and Tosh.0 because I can see that stuff without somehow giving my PC or DVR a virus somehow.
The Office is great and I'm glad it got saved in the US; I like that Jim and Pam are getting married, too, and that NBC is celebrating the fact.
Chuck will eventually be back, too. Doing what, who knows, but I love Zach Levi, so I look forward to the 13 episode miniseason.

I'm picking up very few new shows since networks like killing them before they catch fire well.
Community is nice. I like Joel McHale in this role. No one else really interests me, though, character-wise.
FlashForward is quite interesting. I like the hints of Lost in it, and how the universes are probably related in a certain way. John Cho's character, I like how they are already warning his fans he's gonna vanish from the show because he will be working on Star Trek 2. Very thoughtful. And I hope to see Greg Grunberg in it, too, instead of his thinner and more creative counterpart, Seth MacFarlane.

I'm becoming distressingly more connected to TV and video sources. I still love my Conebone, and I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with Craig, but unfortunately, my time to spend with Colbert clashes tuners if I tape Kimmel while watching Conezy, and since I can't fashion WHICH rerun I want my DirecTV DVR to record, I'm stuck not getting to watch it much at all. :(

Currently Dragons - A Fantasy Made Real (Best of Discovery Channel Volume 3) see related

[Still alive, lighter, jobless, excited.]

It's always a long pause between my updates. Not only do I do this for the few-and-far-between readers/friends I may have, but I update in case my future self wants to come back and reflect on what has passed and what hadn't passed along afterall. For my absence, and basic neglect,

I'm sorry.

But I'm lighter. I've found a direction I want to pursue, that will allow me to be myself, my best self, in no better way. I can be in service to God and also to my country; I can love J-rock and go to as many concerts as I like, WITHOUT A CHAPERONE OR ESCORT OR HUSBAND, and not be shunned.

And I've been working out and hope to finish scholarship papers for a discounted YMCA membership to continue my progression. I've kept an eating journal so I can keep track of my calories and fat intake. I eat smaller portions more frequently and drink more water. I have a Coke Zero maybe once every few days. Mayonnaise is sooo hard to kick, but a necessity. I've lost 10lbs, but more importantly, I've lost inches. I have a treat now and then; we went to a new Japanese buffet last week and I let myself pig on the sushi there. None with tons of cream cheese, but I loved it and I felt awful and bloated and happy.

I'm also lighter because I've cut my hair. It falls just a touch past my shoulders now. I got sick of getting tangled in it and no one wanting to buy it, so I revolted against the mane and Brian cut it for me. It was the same day Megadeth released "Endgame", but that really has nothing to do with my decision to chop, lol.

I'm still jobless, but searching fiercely. Wal-Mart finds me overqualified, I guess. I applied for a position at Kmart, and it put me through the psychoanalysis and all this stuff, and gave me a location and time for an interview... I go today, and they say they've not even been looking. So, a job hoax by the company itself.

But I found a few other jobs and a future one I'm 4th in line for that's from Dec-Feb, which I actually found on craigslist. No, it's no creepo fake thing, and I inquired and sent my resume before dinner and had an email from a human back by the time I finished cooking. Luckily, I'm a nerd and use Excel to organize my coin collection, because they asked how proficient I was with it.

I also have a few other applications floating out there, so the total is at 6. It's hard finding jobs NOT at gas stations, that want degree'd individuals, but don't require experience excessive in nature for the position. My money can hold out until December, if I can get that job, then afterwards, do Greenville Drive work. I'd love to help their media crew (they need it, they give me second-hand embarassment). I want evening or 3rd shift things, but, considering the world runs on 9 to 5, that's also difficult. And I don't like children (even though I can fake it really well), so babysitting is a retarded idea.

That, and I was selected for Jury Duty so I have to go see if I'll be chosen, somehow, Oct. 12. I'd REALLY like to participate. Anyone who knows me is aware that the legal system interests me, and I'd love to see how it actually works instead of how Hollywood says it works. That, and a tiny paycheck should be fun to cash. I'm juror applicant 249, so maybe they start at 200? Probably not, but it should be interesting. Either way, it's a free day to try and catch swine flu. =\

Otherwise, I'm excited. Mainly, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can control whether I duck the train or hop on, really. But also, a lot is coming in the future!

I want to buy Craig Ferguson's autobiography, "American on Purpose".
I also want to go to Miyavi's concert at the Tabernacle in ATL on Oct. 30. I can only go if a friend goes with me.  But hopefully Jeanna could make it, that'd be greeeeat~
Megadeth also has a concert on November 23 in Charlotte that, I think, Brian will call off and take me to it.

Other than that, nothing else is going on. Spunky is our new kitty David rescued, and the last addition to our family. She's getting big and rowdy and really sweet to me. She tucks me in each night; sometimes, she kisses my nose goodnight.

Currently Endgame By Megadeth 1,320' see related

[Christianity; Extended Family and Stray Dog]

Something has weighed on my heart for a while. Some parts of it, much longer than the other parts, have left an impression that, when trying to remove it, the area beneath remains disturbed.

I've difficulty making friends. It could be my nonchalance about some things, my prioritization, my sometimes overserious, sometimes oversilly attitude. I have tried to figure this out because everyone is too "kind", politically correct, something, to tell me what it is to try and fix it. I've thought, 'Well, they have enough friends and they don't need any more'...

When I wanted to visit Japan again recently, I kept it quietly to myself. My longing to be with Japan's people again, to serve, to help, to talk, came on again once I was able to breathe from work. Too late for mission trips by then, but still wanting to go serve with people I met last summer.

When a friend advertised how cheap flights were this summer with Delta, I considered the imminent logistics of actually going again. It was possible! I had over $2000 saved. I could go and just wait longer about paying my loans. They were moving at the end of the year, and they had a spare room, so I thought, "Hey, maybe send a message to some of the people I connected with and see if I can visit and crash on their couch. Stay out of their way all day and come back, do chores, laundry, errands, etc. to earn my keep. Rotate places to make the plane ticket worth it, so I wouldn't have to rush to do things." So I sent out 9 messages. 3 replied, 2 with the equivalent of "haha you're crazy but no" and the one, the person who advertised, offering lodging for a week. The others, the ones I was actually closest to... no response.

Which hurt.

I've tried to understand, when you knock and are in need, Christians are supposed to help the needy and all. But those are usually strangers, so I can see why they would be worried. But... I'm not really a stranger. And those in need, you just give them a little something, they find help elsewhere.

And elsewhere.

And elsewhere...

I know I'm no homeless person, but I was led to believe I was some sort of extended but close family. Or something worth sleeping on your floor for a bit. Until I find my way home. Like a stray dog. Without fleas but with homemaking skills.

I'd understand better if I had been a person who was just on a mission trip for a week or two. Because of that transience, they wouldn't have a clue if I was trustworthy or not. But, 3 months. 3 months in daily availability, serving, and contact. I lived with some of the people who didnt respond. We hung out a lot, we got along really well, but... no response.

You're busy! That's fine, the summer are busy months, I understand.

You're not interested in my company all that much! That's fine, too. I'm a boring person, really.

You're not my type! lol I don't want to get married. I just want to sleep indoors.

I am not that good of a Christian at all, or charitable enough to amount to much, but I've let people sleep in my home several times when they needed help or just to be in an area for it's accessability. As long as they wanted or needed. I know a month, or a week, is much different than a couple days. Diana slept here for several months before, and I learned that Mum must be the one in a million of Christians who would give that much of her home to someone.

But, I hoped, I prayed even, that their love would, could, be extended to me as well.

However, almost all of these people (except 1) treat me with an unfounded transience. Didn't want to invest much back into me when I went out of my comfort zone to make friends. I had a new chance to make new friends! But it didn't work. They had enough friends. Enough needy people. They had someone they could have "enough of" and use that as reason not to talk to me. Some, their kids were the only ones who would talk to me past 2 sentences even though they would have other interns sleep over in their apartment all the time, treat them like their own children. Did I look evil? What was wrong?

It's part cowardice and part shame and part mutual "respect" why I write here and not directly to the persons involved. And part disappointment in both parties in our lacking ability to want or attain friendship beyond simple transience.

Transience.

That's such a painful word to me.

"An impermanence that suggests the inevitability of ending or dying." Well, we all have this inevitability. Where does the line draw us in, to be unaffected?

Why I never completed my Journeyman paperwork? The half-hearted exuberance replies I got in my considered decision. Now, I know it's stupid to think people should roll out a welcome mat and fire up a parade to know someone is going to come serve in the same work you do. However, it was the transience I was STILL treated with by whom would be my future co-workers and Christian family. It was as if they were a socialite club. Were they just too focused on the Japanese future brother and sisters, than the Americajin current brothers and sisters? It was like I would be a burden beyond measure, not an extra set of hands to lift the same burden.

I know better than to think all people are compatable, and especially, that everyone who claims to follow Christ are all shiny happy people. I personally know much better than that. I know better also that I am no vanilla, or no flavor of person that everyone enjoys. I know what I may be, but I am not a stranger to these people. And it's what hurts the most. I didn't fit the bill or something.

Strung out on wings of the dawn
Hole in the black, soul in the storm
Torn down through the cracks in the dark
We're miles adrift, we're inches apart

This post has been long enough.

Currently Soundtrack By X Files-I Want to Believe 22. Broken (by Unkle) see related

[Would you like some hair?]

I've listed my hair on TheHairTrader.com

So, would you like some hair?

I plan on cutting, basically, all of it. Just tiiiiiired of having long hair I can't control, I slam in doors, etc. I want to be able to style it, straighten it, have fun with it already!

And looking different when I go to Japan, too. That'd be fun.