| | God has humbled me a lot in the past few days. In ways that make it easier for Satan to attack, but still I learn more about humility, about His grace, and His payment just so I could come to know Him now. I'm discouraged lately as optomistic as I was about my mission trip. A lot of people, when I ask if they know anyone who would accept a support letter if I gave them one to take, act as if I asked them to set themselves on fire at a gas station. Thank you Ruth for your silly spamming in IM. I miss you so much and tonight, coming in after a long day of petitioning churches I'm affiliated with somehow, your silliness made me realize there's more than Satan's attacks. There's God's timing working, bringing some silly/funny/cute IMs my way while I'm pleading my case to people, when I'm pleading the case of so many lost and hopeless Japanese. My insomnia is coming back again. It happens when I'm overtaxed emotionally and spiritually. I've had maybe 5 hours sleep a night when I lay down, dog tired, eager for sleep, yet it evades for 2-3 hours. It's so hard to hold decent conversations, too. I've also not had any medicine for a few weeks now and I've noticed an improvement in my mood and demeanor. Before, I was always negative, or unemotive, or just weird, not like "myself" as I percieve it. Now, though, I feel... I dunno, freer? Either way, things could improve from here. Other than that, Nanny's church invited me to come one Sunday/Wednesday evening to speak at service for about 15-20 mins about my trip and get ppl interested. Tonight, at my "home" church where I was baptized, the pastor said "maybe we can work you in for 5 minutes one night" and I don't understand... My "HOME" church is being less of a home than Nanny's church. What is all that? Mum also told me yesterday Yvonne isn't going to help me or offer any support for my mission trip. She says that I should get a job for a few months, save the money, burn the bridge I just built, and go on the trip. However, I have the foresight to see that, if I get a job and blow them off, on my resume, an employer could ask why the job was so short. I would have to answer, for all honesty's sake, that "I left to go on a mission trip for 2.5 months." This employer could hate Christians or find that insulting and not hire me because of that! Not officially, that won't be the reason, but they could prejudice against me for doing that kinda thing. So, because I did better, thrived, in Mum's care, and have come this far WITHOUT her help. She also had the gall to say that NGU was the only place I COULD get into, but if it were, I wouldn't have had GPA enough to warrant any scholarships from anywhere. So yeah, it sucks when your own "Christian" relatives aren't very Christian, but we all sin, and maybe her sin concerning me is just so ingrained, she doesn't see it as sin anymore. I don't know, but do prayer for her, so that God can get glory from her hardened heart one day. Other than that, I'm trying to figure out what to do when to do it. So we'll allow God to work as He will... Determining the steps. And I'm gonna pray for the energy to do everything I need to have done. Oh, also, 3 of my 4 art projects are FINISHED! The last is half completed now. ^_^ Thank you for your encouragements! |
. Anyway, I hope I can do more to encourage you in the next few months. When is your trip again? Lol. Love ya!